All the good villainy - gone

One group’s suffering at the hands of technology seems to have transpired in relative silence: ‘80s movie villains.

Where have all the great villains gone? Into a world of lameness – that’s where. And technology is to blame. So is the state of Maryland.

Since October 1996, the state of Maryland has issued only electronic versions of its General Obligation Bonds. That might be a fine thing for the average investor, but what about Hans Gruber? Alan Rickman’s classic villain from 1988’s “Die Hard” wanted nothing more than to live the American dream – steal hundreds of millions of dollars in bearer bonds from a massive international corporation.

Though he ultimately failed, even dreaming the dream is now impossible in our high-tech world. There are no stacks of bond certificates locked away in a vault, so no need for an intricate siege and robbery. All you need to pull off that heist today are a cell phone with a Web browser, a Wi-Fi signal from a corner coffee shop and a bank account number.

It’s nice to steal millions over a macchiato, but it doesn’t do much for cinema villainy.

I won’t even get into Lethal Weapon 2 and a car trunk full of gold South African Kruggerands. Again, why move that much gold when all you need is an Internet connection?

I guess there’s just no room in this cold, heartless, modern world for great ‘80s movie villains.

Who else out there has a favorite act of villainy now rendered moot by technology?

-JOE BACCHUS, Web Specialist